Unfaithful
by Kristinawitter
Summary: Joey is living in New York, two years after Jen's death. Pacey is living in Capeside. Alternate Ending to Series finale. Please R and R!
1. Chapter 1

I can't keep reading the same line!

Joey was frustrated, editing was taking its toll tonight. It was already 11pm, and she had to be up at 6am for a press call for a book which was about to come onto the market. Great stuff, she thought.

She sighed heavily, when she saw that she had a new email. Smiling at the recipient, she opened the email.

_Hey Jo,_

_Just thought I'd say hey, it's been a while. How ya been Potter? How's the big City at this time of year? Are you coming back to Capeside for Christmas? Hope so, need to see your pretty little face around here again, It's been too long._

_Just letting you know that I'm in New York next week, if you would like to meet for a drink?_

_Let me know._

_Pacey _

Joey sighed heavily again, not sure how to answer this one. She still missed him so much. She honestly believed that her and Pacey would have worked things out. Be together forever. But I guess things don't turn out the way you plan.

_Hey Pace,_

_Was just heading to bed and saw your mail. I'm great thanks Pace. I know It's been a while, I've been so busy with work that I haven't had a chance to head back to the Cape as of yet. But yes, I am planning on coming back for Christmas. It's beautiful here at Christmas, so many lights, there's the most amazing Christmas Tree with tons of decorations which makes me feel like a kid again everytime I see it. Man, I'm sad._

_I'm glad you're coming to New York, I need a good friend to take me out for the night. I assume you're paying... ha. Well, I must run, bed is calling me and I have to be up early...urgh, sometimes I wish I didn't have a job! Email me back with a time and place and I'll see you there._

_Much love to you,_

_Joey._

She closed her laptop and rubbed her eyes tiredly. She headed to her bedroom, and got changed into her pyjamas. After brushing her teeth, she crawled into her side of the bed. Not that there was someone on the other side to share it with her, it was just her side that she always seemed to keep to. She lay there quietly for a few minutes, then sat up slowly and opened her bedside drawer. She pulled out a small frame, which contained a picture of her and Pacey on True Love. Man, she missed those days. She missed the days where everything was carefree, and life wasn't so serious. She looked at the smile on her face in the picture. She was content. He was her heart, and now she felt lost.

After Jen died, Pacey blurted out to her that he loved her, had always loved her, and just wanted her to be happy. Jen knew that Joey wanted to be with Pacey, and her heart literally jumped out of her chest with Pacey's admission. She was so happy she wanted to scream the place down, not appropriate for a wake, she thought, as she tried to tell him back that she loved him. She had loved him from the age of 15, when he kissed her the first time. The second time, she kissed him back, even though she refused to admit it for so long. And since then, the love had unravelled at full speed, their hearts always on the line, falling through high school together with more love most people share in a lifetime.

She looked again at the picture, now with fresh tears in her eyes. She tried to tell him she loved him too, wanted to spend her life with him, move back to Capeside for him, but she kept being interrupted. Everytime she went to admit her feelings, she was interrupted by someone or other.

She gave up, knowing there would be a better time. She headed to Dawson's, and admitted to him that even though he was her soulmate, that she would never get over Pacey, as she loved him with too much of her heart. That he had taken her heart all those years ago, and she never fully got it back. Dawson understood with such graciousness that she remembered back to when she once cared for this boy as a lover. She looked back at their childhood romance, which was entirely innocent, and compared it to her and Pacey's romance. Pacey was her first. She had given him her heart, body, and soul. And yeah... that was a fixed point.

Joey roughly shoved the frame back into the drawer, and slammed it shut.

It was a week before she got to see Pacey again after Jen's funeral and seeing Dawson, to admit her true feelings to him, ready for their life again. She remembers the way she full of nerves, anticipation, and excitement, as she was ready to move forward with him.

And that was when Audrey had walked back into their lives.

And then Pacey had to go and marry her, didn't he.

xxxxxxxxxxx


	2. Chapter 2

Joey was nervous about seeing Pacey. It had been a while, they hadn't seen each other since Audrey's and Pacey's wedding. Oh, the wedding of the century. She was so devastated that they actually decided to get married, she just put on a brave face, said her congratulations, and then drove straight back to New York and cried thousands of tears . She remembered the day so clearly, even though her vision and thoughts were a blur. She had decided that right before the wedding, before they were committed, that she would tell Pacey how she felt.

'_Pace... I know you're getting married tomorrow, but there's something that I want to talk to you about.'_

'_Ok, fire away Potter, you're making me nervous.' Chuckled Pacey._

'_Well, I... I remember that day in the kitchen where you declared your love for me... and I ... well... I just wanted to say...'_

'_Jo..Don't do this . Please. Dont dredge up the past. I'm getting married tomorrow.'_

'_Why? You have no idea what I'm going to say...' spat back Joey, she was determined to tell him how she felt._

'_Joey. I'm happy.' _

_Joey gave him a small smile, and ran to Dawson's. Dawson swung open the door, and she literally collapsed into his arms, sobbing uncontrollably. Dawson could do nothing but comfort her, feeling literally helpless._

'_Joey, I know this isn't the best time for you, but I need you to be strong. You will find someone better Joey, who will deserve your love more than Pacey. Just give your heart time to heal.'_

'_I don't want my heart to heal. I want Pacey!' sobbed Joey. 'What am I going to do Dawson?'_

'_Cry, lash out, shout, scream, whatever you want. But Jo...It's too late. You have to accept that.'_

_Joey looked up at Dawson. He was devastated for her. Her eyes were red, her eyelashes were thick with tears, and her mouth was downturned, probably miserable for the rest of her life. Suddenly, without thinking, Joey moved her mouth towards Dawson. She kissed his small lips, trying to part them with her tongue. She wrapped her arm around him as she leant into him. Dawson was surprised, and unsure how to react for a minute or so._

_Joey continued to kiss Dawson, trying desperately to have some comfort, without realising the pair of eyes which were watching them through the window, walking away with their head down, as if they were never there._

'_Joey... this isn't the greatest idea', stated Dawson, as he pulled away. Joey looked at him stunned for a few seconds, and realised that she had just done the most stupidest thing._

'_Oh my god... Dawson.. I'm so sorry. I ... I don't know what I'm thinking.'_

'_Hey, it's ok, Don't worry, I know that you're hurting.' He gave her a soft, embarrassed smile. He didn't love her like that anymore, and he knew full well that she didn't love him like that either. If they continued, they would both end up regretting it._

'_Sorry about that, that was weird', chuckled Joey, her cheeks tinted with a furious blush._

'_Ha, well, at least It made you smile', he bantered back._

Joey stood nervously outside the restaurant. Worried, and slightly anxious, she took a deep breath and opened the door.

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

Pacey sat inside the restaurant, waiting for his dinner guest to arrive. To say that he was nervous was an understatement. He hadn't seen Joey for just over 18 months. He thought they were done with all their long times apart, but obviously not. He didn't know why she didn't come back to Capeside, the thought completely baffled him. He thought originally it was to do with him, but obviously, not after she kissed Dawson, she had made her feelings quite clear. Pacey let out a soft sigh, as he briefly remembered back to the night before his impending wedding.

'_Pace... I know you're getting married tomorrow, but there's something that I want to talk to you about.'_

'_Ok, fire away Potter, you're making me nervous.' Chuckled Pacey._

'_Well, I... I remember that day in the kitchen where you declared your love for me... and I ... well... I just wanted to say...'_

'_Jo..Don't do this . Please. Dont dredge up the past. I'm getting married tomorrow.'_

'_Why? You have no idea what I'm going to say...' spat back Joey, she was determined to tell him how she felt._

'_Joey. I'm happy.' Why did I just say that? He thought. I love this girl more than anything.. Was she trying to tell me that she wants to be with me? What the hell is going on?_

_He watched helplessly as she gave him a short smile, and ran in the opposite direction. He couldn't move. He was frozen to the spot._

_Does she want me? He thought. He slumped down onto the floor, thinking furiously. What great timing. Why does this girl always do this to me?_

_When he told her that he loved her, he never got a quick response. It was no fault of her own of course, they were interrupted every time. After a week, he got fed up of not being able to spend time to discuss their impending relationship, he headed to the B & B. When he realised that she wasn't there, she headed to the next place he thought she would be. Dawson. He walked around the corner round the back of Dawson's house, and froze at the sight. Joey and Dawson, sitting on the bench outside of his house, their foreheads together. Well, he thought, I guess that's my answer. He smiled to himself. He couldn't be cross with her, he had told her that he wanted her to be happy, no matter who that was. The act of being in love with her was enough for him. Although it cut like a deep knife, because he never really meant those words. _

_He headed back to The Icehouse, defeated, deflated, and exhausted._

'_Hey there stranger.' He whipped his head around to the sound of the voice which was vaguely familiar._

'_Audrey!'_

_Back then, it seemed so simple. He would get over Joey, again, by trying another fun relationship with Audrey. Their relationship was so carefree, that he suddenly craved it all again. He decided that he was never going to ever love a girl again like Joey, so he proposed to Audrey, wanting to spend the rest of his life with her, having no worries, no stresses, just fun. Did he love her? He didn't know, but he wanted to try so god damn hard to love her, he felt like it was a challenge._

_When Joey had ran away from him, the night before the wedding, he was so confused. He was so sure that she was about to tell him that she loved him back. He would walk away from the wedding. He would walk away from everything, to have her back in his life the way he wanted. God, that woman was the best thing that ever happened to him, and he decided, that now, this was the right path, finally._

_He headed to Dawson's as he knew she would run there, he could tell she was upset. He peered through the window where the light was coming from...and it felt like a car crash all over again. Joey kissing Dawson, wrapping her arms around him._

_Fucking stupid idiot. She wasn't coming to tell him that she loved him. She came to tell him she was going to be with Dawson. She was apologising for not telling him sooner, when he admitted his love for her. No wonder she never got back to answering him back._

_He vowed from then on, that he was over that Potter girl. He walked away, stoney faced, back into the arms of his fiancée, and married Audrey the next day._

Pacey tapped his large fingers on the tablecloth nervously. He was looking forward to at least attempting at a friendship again. Their whole facade, their banter, was gone. The emails were exchanged were simple, mostly boring. He wanted at least a decent relationship with the girl he once loved.

'Hey', he heard above him. He looked up, straight into her dark eyes. Her lopsided smile shining down at him.

'Well, well, well Potter. Don't you look ravishing!', stated Pacey as he stood up to greet her. She chuckled slightly, blushing at his compliment.

'Well I guess you don't look too bad yourself, jail bait!'

'Come here Potter'. He held out his arms, and she slightly hesitated, before leaning into his embrace. Tears instantly sprung to her eyes, as she remembered the hugs they used to smell, his touch, so familiar. She cleared her throat quickly, and slowly, regretfully, pulled away from his embrace. He noticed that her eyes were slightly shining.

'Getting emotional on me Jo?' he chuckled softly. She flashed him a shy smile, and simply stated, 'It's just been a long time Pace. I missed you.'

'I missed you too Jo. Well, shall we?' he gestured towards the table, and she sat down opposite him.

'Well, how's life in the big city?'

'Ah...entertaining to say the least. I'm always busy at work these days so don't get alot of time outside of the office. When I do, I head to Times Square, and just stand still, just watching the crowds go by. It's quite mesmerising actually. You should try it some time!', she teased, starting to relax greatly. God, she missed him so much, her heart was breaking just talking to him. She just wanted to kiss him so much. That, however, would be entirely inappropriate, as he was married. To her former best friend. Karma's a bitch, she thought.

'Ha, well you'll have to show me one day when I have more time in New York, I'm only here for the night, then I need to head back. It's been crazy, I met another chef for some ideas on some new recipes, and thought I would kill two birds with one stone, see if I could fit you in at all!'

'Wow, thanks Pacey, makes me feel so special!'

'I'm just kidding Jo, you know I would always make time for you.' They sat their awkwardly for a few minutes, not quite sure what to say next. Pacey cleared his throat.

'So, how's the love life? Any men stolen your heart?'

'Meh, no. I mean, I dated for a while, but I'm so busy with work, I just don't really have the time.'

'Ah, must suck for all those lonely men in the world.' Joked Pacey. Was it bad that he was secretly pleased with this information?

'Well, how's married life?' There, she asked. She didn't want it to seem like she was bitter in anyway, she just wanted to be happy for him. When Pacey didn't answer straight away, she momentarily floundered.

'Its... ok.' Is that it? She thought. Hmm, maybe I asked that question too early.

'Anyway, enough about other people, let's toast to a great night, drink lots of wine, and see the night out with a bang!' Pacey raised his glass to hers, and took a big gulp. She smiled shortly at him, and took another big gulp of hers too.

Xxxxxxxxx

Hours later, they were completely relaxed with each other. Laughing with enthusiasm, and crying tears of joy. She felt completely relaxed in his company, and it probably didn't help that she was as a skunk, to put it lightly. They had at least 4 empty bottles on their table, she couldn't actually count the exact number right now. He looked as drunk as her, as he told tales of embarrassing situations which had occurred at The Icehouse.

Once she had stopped wiping away the tears, she looked at him seriously.

'Pacey. I'm drunk.' She looked so serious, then suddenly burst into fits of giggles.

'Ha, I think it's time to get you home, before I forget where I actually am.' She hastily agreed, nodding at his statement. Pacey paid the tab, and they headed out into the night.

At her apartment, he turned to her, and looked at her for a few minutes.

'Well.. I had a great night Jo. Let's do it again sometime soon, ok? We left it too long.'

'Yes...Yes of course.' He smirked lightly at her slurring her words. He loved a drunk Joey Potter, but this time he was equally as drunk.

'Where are you staying tonight Pacey?' She suddenly blurted out.

'Ah, well, I haven't technically got a hotel at the moment. But I'm gonna head to the nearest one for a room and crash there. Hopefully I'll be pulled out of my alcohol induced slumber before check out time!', he joked.

'No Pacey, you can stay with me, I have a perfectly good second bedroom that never gets used, and what's the point of spending money when you can stay at mine for free?'

'Well.. It's not exactly free Jo.. I just paid for your dinner, and your alcohol habit...'

'Hey! I resent that.'

'Ice Queen.'

'Perve'

'Prude'. She giggled again at their childish remarks. He chuckled along with her, reminiscing the good old days.

'You sure I won't be putting you out? I don't want to be a hassle.'

'Of course not, come on!' She tugged on his hand , ignoring the jolt of electricity that ran through her body, and lead him to her third floor apartment.

Pacey had never been inside her apartment before, and it was all Joey. The soft furnishings, the paintings on the walls, it reminded slightly of the B and B. Of course, there really was no place like home. She lead him towards the second bedroom.

'Here you go! Enjoy your sleep, I'll see you... in the afternoon?' She smiled at him.

'Thanks Jo... Goodnight.'

'Goodnight Pace.' She nodded towards him, standing their momentarily, and then headed to her bedroom.

She stumbled into her room, and got changed, eventually , once she could figure out how to take her dress off in her drunken slumber. She brushed her teeth in the mirror in her bathroom, and crawled into her side of the bed. She lay there staring at the ceiling for a while, trying to stop her head from spinning. Oh god, she thought, this would hurt in the morning. Thank god I don't have work!

After twenty minutes of tossing and turning, she sat up slowly, and turned on her bedside lamp. She thought for a second, thinking about her next actions, but just decided to give herself the same grief that she gave herself every night. It didn't matter that he was in the next room, she would still cry herself to sleep looking at his picture. She opened her bedroom drawer, and placed the picture on top. She stared at it for a second. Oh, he was beautiful, she thought. You know what? Fuck this.

She roughly pulled away her covers, and headed towards her door. She creaked down the short corridor, and knocked softly on his door.

'Pace?' she questioned, as she didn't hear an answer. She slowly creaked open his door, and padded barefoot towards his bed.

'Pacey?' He opened his eyes, stunned at the sight of her.

'Joey? Is everything ok?' He turned on his light after sitting up in bed.

'No.. no it's not.' She looked at him with such a state of seriousness, that she momentarily concerned him.

'What's wrong?'

'I just... had to do this...' He blinked at her twice, not sure at what she was implying. 'Do what Jo?'

'This.' She was suddenly taking a step forward, and straddled him on the bed. He looked completely stunned, and he took a deep breath.

'Jo..' He was cut off as she dived towards his mouth, and kissed him softly. She parted his lips with her tongue, and felt completely delirious as she felt him soften, relax and gave in to her. His tongue responded to hers, and he wrapped his arms around her tightly, pulling her nearer to him. They kissed hungrily. His hand started to climb her perfectly toned body. It met her breast underneath the material of her pyjamas. He rubbed her breast lightly, as his mouth pulled away from hers, and started to kiss her neck.

'Mmmm... Pace...', moaned Joey, lost in his touch. Her words seemed to snap him out of it, and he pulled away immediately, his arms retracting by his sides so fast away from her, as if she burnt his skin.

She opened her eyes in shock, 'Pacey?'

'Joey..we shouldn't do this... I'm married for god sake.' He shook away the guilt he now carried in his mind.

'I... Please Pacey... I need this...', she leant in for another kiss, and he turned his head away from her. Her bottom lip started to tremble as the humiliation now hit her.

'Pacey..'

'Joey. Just leave. Get out. Now.'

'I'm so sorry... I... I don't know what I was thinking. I'm so sorry..', she stumbled, as she ran back to her room.

Once she was safely inside of her room, she slammed the door behind her, leaning against her door with her hand over her mouth, shocked at her actions. This completely sobered her up. How stupid am I? She thought, he's going to hate me forever now.

She walked towards her dresser, and stared at their picture again, tears blurring her vision.

'Joey...' She heard behind her. She whipped her head around, and saw Pacey standing in the doorway, he had opened her door, and stood their staring at her, he was just in his boxers, his hair ruffled, and noticed the picture on her dresser.

'Pace..I'm so sorry...', she was interrupted as he suddenly darted towards her, kissing her hungrily, lifting her off the floor, and placing her on her bed. She kissed him back in surprise, slowly melting into his kiss. He leant over her, and she felt his hardness against her thigh, which made her shiver inside. She parted her legs, so he could rub up against her. She felt his hands inside the material of her top, and he lifted the top off her, so he could see her bare breasts. He pulled away from her mouth, and stared at the beauty of her.

He started to kiss her again, moving slowly down her neck, and cupping her breasts, his tongue slowly dancing around her nipple. She moaned at the contact, as she placed her hand on his package, and started to rub him gently. She felt his breath get heavy against her breast, turning her on even more.

He placed a hand inside her shorts, and felt for her most sensitive area, and rubbed it gently, knowing the way she liked it, remembering back to the intimate moments they used to share. She responded to his touch by moaning again, 'Oh god Pace,' she moaned, as he started to slip a finger inside her. He knew she was ready for him when he felt her wetness.

'Oh God Pacey, I can't take it anymore. I want you inside of me, now!', she gasped, feeling his fingers move inside of her. He grinned at her confession, and pulled her shorts down. He took off his boxers, and hovered his hard member infront of her entrance. Before he entered, a moment of panic overtook his features.

'Shit Jo.. I don't... I don't have anything...', he blurted full of regret.

'It's ok Pace.. I'm on the pill, It's fine. Please', she responded, her eyes still closed, waiting for the moment of impact.

He took her admission, and started to slowly enter her. Once he was completely in her, he felt her insides fit to his member, and he shuddered at the feeling of being inside her again. He pulled nearly all the way out, and ploughed back into her. She moaned louder, loving the feeling of him inside of her again. He started to speed up, moving faster and harder inside of breath became ragged and he started to moan with her. God, it felt so good. She wrapped her arms around his back, slightly digging her nails into his back. She moved her hips with the rhythm, moaning into his ear, feeling herself lose control, an incredible warm feeling taking over her, and she let go completely, screaming his name as she had never felt anything so good in her life. Her orgasm took him over the edge too, and he grunted as he moved quickly to release himself inside of her.

Out of breath, they stared into each other's eyes. She looked up at him with her wide eyes, searching him for something. He stared back at her, and moved his hand to move strands of hair out of her face. He kissed her slowly again, and pulled out of her. He shifted to his side of the bed, and wrapped his arms around her. She spooned into his touch, and they both fell asleep with smiles on their faces. They would deal with tomorrow, tomorrow. Right now, was all that mattered at this moment.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


	3. Chapter 3

Joey woke up slowly, with a banging head. Ouch, she thought. Urgh. She tried to look at the time, but felt the weight of someone's arms around her. Oh my god, she thought. Pacey and I... Her face contorted in guilt . Oh my god. She felt his arms stiffen around her. Shit, she thought. He's awake. She slowly turned around to face him. She was greeted with large blue eyes, staring at her with no expression.

'Hey...Erm...Hi', Joey started. Pacey continued to stare at her, and then suddenly ripped his arms away from her, and scrambled to get his boxers. As he put them on, he could hardly look at her.

'Pace..aren't you even going to look at me?', she asked, her voice started to tremble.

'Joey, you fucking have no idea how serious this is.I'm married. Married! For god sake, what a fucking mistake last night was! I can't believe I let myself get that drunk. I feel like such an idiot right now. All I need to do is just get away from here as quickly as possible.'

His words stung deep, and her eyes started to water.

'You know what Pacey. You're right. Fuck you. Get out.'

'Gladly.' He gathered the courage to look at her, his eyes dark, and headed to the other bedroom, collected all his things, and Joey heard the click of the door.

As she heard the door slam behind him, she burst into tears. She was so confused. She loved him, so yes, she wanted last night to happen, just to hold onto something . But she was also feeling incredibly guilty. She just slept with her friend's husband. How could she do something so disgusting? Her Father had done that to her Mother, and it destroyed her Mom. How could she be so careless to do the same thing to someone else? Someone she cared about. No matter how she felt about Pacey, she should have never overstepped the line and betrayed Audrey's trust. She sobbed quietly to herself to a couple of hours, before finally retreating to the shower. She cringed at the thought that she was due back in Capeside in two weeks for Christmas. Oh god, the family get together at The Leerys. Pacey was sure to be there, with her. Fuck fuck fuck fuck, she thought. Stupid Josephine. Guess karma really is a bitch.

Xxxxxxxx

Joey hadn't heard off Pacey at all. She refused to give in first, to apologise first. She had two weeks to think about what had happened, had time to process it, and she realised she should stop blaming herself. He had participated as much as she did. She wasn't all to blame. The more she thought of what happened, the more angry she got with the fact that he stood there and flipped out at her.

Bastard, she thought.

She sat on the train, a complete and utter wreck. Why did she put herself in these situations? Stupid, stupid.

As she hopped off the train, she saw Bessie waving frantically at her. 'Joey! Joey over here!' shouted Bessie. She smiled towards her, and walked to give her a huge hug.

'Hey Bess..I've missed you so much!'

'Missed you too Jo. Now let me look at you... Joey...you're looking slightly to thin for my liking.. I'm going to make sure I fatten you up this Christmas. Make up for you missing last Christmas at home'. Stated Bessie. Joey rolled her eyes, but said nothing towards her absence. She knew deep down that Bessie would know why she wasn't there.

'Come on Jo..let's get you home.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Joey looked around the B&B, and nothing had really changed in the last 18 months. Everything still looked the same, and this made her smile. It was still home, as if she never left.

After greeting Bodie and Alexander, Joey gestured Bessie towards the couch.

'Bessie... There's something that I need to talk to you about. And I don't want you to judge me at all about what I'm about to tell you.

Bessie eyed Joey suspiciously. 'Ok... as long as you didn't murder anyone, because then I will judge you, and hand you into Mr Doug Witter straight away.' Joey winced slightly at the 'Witter' name. She shook off her uneasy feeling, and continued.

'No Bessie, I didn't murder anyone...yet... Anyway, look. About two weeks ago Pacey came to visit me in New York.'

'Yeah, I heard that he was heading up there. How was his visit' asked Bessie, interested.

'Well...I ... It...er...' Joey stumbled over her words, causing Bessie's face to fall.

'Joey, please don't tell me you slept with Pacey', warned Bessie, sensing what Joey was about to tell her. Joey looked at her in surprise, wow, my sister knows me better than I thought, thought Joey.

'Ok then, I won't tell you that I slept with Pacey'. Bessie looked at Joey sideways, and sighed heavily.

'Oh Joey, how could you be so careless? He's married now. When I see that boy I'm going to hit him where it hurts!'

'No Bessie, you're not going to do anything. We're just going to pretend it never happened and try and get on with everything. And I know he's married, thank you very much. I'm well aware of that.'

'Oh Jo... I'm sorry that things didn't work out the way you wanted to, but you just slept with someone's husband. You need to think about the consequences of things before you do ... I guess it's done now, and, well... are you ok?'

'Yeah.. I'm ok, I mean he took off instantly, shouted at me before he left, and I haven't spoken to him since'.

'He's probably just hurting Joey. I doubt that he regrets anything, I'm pretty sure that that boy still loves you.'

'Yeah, loves me so much he stood there and blamed me and took off before I could even get out of bed.'

'Joey... if he didn't feel anything for you, then he wouldn't have slept with you. End of.'

Joey contemplated this for a second. Was Bessie always right? She always comforted Joey with her words. But, Pacey hold feelings for her still? Why would he if he was married? Maybe he was just too drunk to realise what he was doing. Maybe he thought she was Audrey... that thought made her wince. Hmm...

'Anyways, I don't want to talk about it, I'm just bracing myself for seeing him again. And seeing Audrey.. God I'm going to feel awful, I don't know If I'm going to be able to handle it.'

'Joey, I love you, but you 're going to have to deal with it... you betrayed her, and she deserves for you to at least to try and face her, without her realising what's going on.'

With that, Bessie gave Joey a sympathetic smile, and headed towards the kitchen.

Yeah, Joey thought. Merry fucking Christmas.

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

Christmas day finally arrived, and she was dreading the day ahead. She had only spoken to Jack, Doug and Dawson. She had managed to successfully avoid Audrey and Pacey. But now? She had no choice but to face them.

She stood outside the Leery's house, a plate full of treats in her hands, staring at the porch.

'Bess...I don't think I can do this...' Bessie pulled her in the porch. 'Yes Missy, you can. Now get your butt in there and act normal!'

Joey smirked at Bessie's comment, took a deep breath, and walked into Dawson's house.

'Joey! Bessie, Bodie and Alexander! Merry Christmas all of you!' Gail was the first to greet them,as she took the plate of Joey and gave her a warm, welcoming hug. Joey smiled back at her.

'Merry Christmas to you and Lily, where's Dawson?' asked Joey. She heard Audrey's laugh in the back room, and froze. She wanted to run. Bessie gave her a warning look.

'Dawson is in his room trying to find some old tapes. Go up and see him, I'm sure he's desperate to see you.' Gail smiled at Joey, and continued a conversation with Bodie and Bessie.

Joey darted up the stairs, two at a time. Phew, quick exit.

She saw Dawson in his room. His door was open, and Joey darted towards him as quickly as she could. He looked up from his bed when he saw her.

'Hey Joey, I'm glad you're here. Merry Christmas'

'I slept with Pacey!', she blurted out. She just needed some comfort. She felt so awful that she was hiding something from him, and just needed his support.

He looked at her surprised for a second, unsure what to say. His eyes then darted behind his door, and Joey literally shit herself as Pacey appeared behind the door. He was obviously searching for something out of sight, and he had just heard her tell Dawson. His eyes were dark and he looked angry.

'Oh, er. Shit.'

'.You planning on telling my wife too?' He looked fuming, and she panicked.

'I didn't realise you were up here'. Dawson just sat watching them with a gobsmacked face.

'I don't know why you're telling Dawson that you slept with me. It was years ago, he already knows, I don't know why you're bringing it up now.' She looked at him for a second. He was denying it? Bastard. At least he could do was admit the truth. Not make her look fucking stupid.

'What?'

'Whatever. I'm needed downstairs, so if you'll excuse me.' He pushed past her roughly and headed down the stairs without a backwards glance.

'Well.. judging by that reaction, I'm assuming you slept with Pacey recently, he wouldn't react like that if you hadn't.' Thank god Dawson had believed her. She sat on the bed with him, her eyes filling with tears.

'Come on Jo, tell me all about it.'

So she did. She told him everything, and she was nearly hysterical by the time she had finished. He sighed.

'Oh, you're in such a mess. What am I going to do with you?' He smiled at her softly.

'I love you Dawson, I love how you never judge me. Thank you.'

'I gotta admit , what you did was wrong, but Pacey is as much to blame as you, and he shouldn't have done it. And Audrey...well she will be incredibly hurt if she found out. But Joey, don't let him break your heart again. You've been through enough with him really need to let go.

'I know, I know. I just... I don't know. I can't believe I made the first move. But he pushed me away, and then he came to me! Oh whatever, I'm past caring. Let's just get this moment over and done with. The earlier I face the truth, the quicker it will be to move on.'

Joey headed down the stairs with Dawson, and saw everyone crowded around the living room. Talking, chatting away to each other without a care in the world. She saw Pacey sitting in an armchair, staring into face, not listening to anyone's conversation. He looked up as he saw her walking down the stairs, a blur of confusion overtaking his features. Audrey looked at Pacey, then turned to see what he was looking at. Her face instantly brightened when she saw Joey.

'Bunny!', squealed Audrey in delight. She ran towards Joey and enveloped her in a hug. Joey felt awkward, and incredibly guilty.

'Hey Audrey..how have you been?' Joey replied slowly, unsure of what to say.

'Oh I've been fine hun. How are you? How is life in the big city? I hope you looked after my husband when he was there!' Joked Audrey, beaming at Joey. Joey slightly cringed, hoping that a blush wasn't taking over her features.

'Oh I er, tried to anyway,', she replied, trying to ignore Bessie's, Dawson's and Pacey's stares.

'Hey Pace.' She offered in his direction. He looked like he was going to blank her, but then that would have been too obvious.

'Hey Joey... Happy Christmas.' He smiled in her direction, his eyes seemingly softening. She gave him a short nod back.

'Well then, everyone's here, let's eat!' Exclaimed Doug. He was bouncing Amy in his arms. She was so grown up now, and looked so much like Jen, it was uncanny. Joey smiled at Doug, thankful for his release, and ran straight to the table.

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

The meal was awkward for Joey, she answered Audrey's questions, trying hard to keep the guilt out of her voice. She refused to make eye contact with Pacey, although he was obviously thinking the same thing, as he was keeping his head down for the whole meal too. Bessie darted her eyes back and forward, shaking her head several times to herself at the immaturity between them. Joey was so nervous that someone might have picked up on what was going, she was downing as much wine as possible. Dawson nudged her slighty,

'Don't you think you should slow down Joey?' he whispered to her.

'No!', Joey said back, a little too loudly , causing everyone to stop talking and look at her in surprise.

'No what Joey?' inquired Audrey.

'I er...' Fuck she thought, what do I say?

'I just asked Joey if it was safe to open my present in front of everyone else... obviously not..' interrupted Dawson. This caused the whole table to laugh, minus Pacey, whose eyes were darkening by the second. Joey smirked at Dawson's save, giving him grateful eyes. She picked up her glass and said 'Cheers!', and downed her glass. Dawson's eyes darted back to Bessie, and inside, they both gave up. If it was going to kick off, then it was going to kick off big time.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

They settled down in the living room, and Joey had walked into the hallway, literally was bouncing off the walls. She looked at a picture of Dawson on the wall, squinting to make out what he looked like in the picture. When she finally focussed what the picture was of, she literally snorted with laughter. Oh man, she was more drunk than she thought.

'Joey what you laughing at?' Bessie asked, amused to see her sister so giggly. She was glad she wasn't drunk mad Joey. That would have been a disaster.

'Dawson's forehead! Hahahahahhahha!' Joey literally smacked the wall in amusement as she cried with laughter. Bessie chuckled shortly, and grabbed her arm, 'Now now Joey, don't pick on your good friend Dawson. Come on, present time.' Joey nodded seriously, and they headed back to living room.

Joey scowled in the direction of Audrey and Pacey. Audrey was sitting on the floor, in front of Pacey's legs, and he was rubbing her arm up and down affectionately. She felt her heart drop inside, he used to do that to her. Why would he be so blatant to do it in front of her? Was he seriously trying to prove that he really didn't give a shit? She scowled again as she settled into a spare seat. That's it! She thought, I'm not going to care. Bastard.

As they gave out the presents, Bessie went to get the sack of presents from the back of the truck. She had picked up all the ones that Joey had wrapped ages ago, sent them to Bessie earlier in the year to store for Christmas day, after realising that she wouldn't make it back for a trip, and wouldn't be able to carry everything back on the train.

Joey looked delighted with the present Dawson had got her. It was a simple, elegant necklace. She was pleased that he had chosen something which would suit her, rather than pick something he wanted her to wear. In return, she had brought him a simple watch, one that he had commented he had liked but never purchased.

'Hey Jo, I got these last presents from the truck. They're for...er.. Pacey and Audrey.' Joey looked confused for a second, then realised that she had purchased these months ago. Oh great. And now Bessie was looking wide at her, apologising through her expression that she should have checked the tags before blurting it out. Audrey looked happy in her direction.

'Oh Joey, you shouldn't have!', she squealed in delight, starting to tear the wrapping off of hers. Pacey was looking at her with a unreadable expression. She just winced slightly 'It's nothing really. I purchased them ages ago.' She added the last bit to make it clear she hadn't thought of buying Pacey anything since he left her so cruelly.

Audrey giggled when she saw her dress that Joey had purchased for her. 'Oh Bunny! It's gorgeous! Oh Pacey, isn't it lovely?' She held up her dress for everyone to see, flaunting that Joey had bought it from Barney's, and she now had a designer dress in her wardrobe. Pacey just smiled shortly 'It's lovely Audrey. Really nice'. He nodded enthusiastically at her. Joey drunkenly rolled her eyes, and didn't give a shit that Pacey saw her and his face dropped.

'Open yours Pacey.' She simply stated. Everyone was watching, interested to see the remaining present. He looked at it nervously, and he looked up at her with a very uncertain face. She knew , that from his expression, that he thought she was setting him up. Have incriminating evidence of their night together perhaps. She then, literally started to fume. How dare he be so ungrateful? What has happened to him? What an asshole. Taking lessons from Eddie, obviously. She laughed at the thought, out loud, which caused others to smirk in amusement at her drunk state. She apologised for her sudden outburst, and gestured towards Pacey to continue, with an evil smirk on her face, making him think it was a present which would ruin his marriage.

'I think I'm gonna open it at home, I get embarrassed opening presents in front of other people', Pacey chuckled nervously.

'Oh, that's strange, because you just opened other presents?' Joey asked innocently. He glared at her.

'Go on babe! Open it! I want to see', urged Audrey, an excited look in her eyes. Pacey took a deep breath, and slowly opened the present.

His eyes were wide when he had opened it. It was an expensive, top of the range, professional camera. His eyes met hers, softening by the second.

'A camera?' he spoke quietly.

'Yeah. I remembered that you had said that you enjoyed taking photographs, and you wanted to take it up as a hobby. I guess er, I just wanted you to have the best.I wanted to make up for being away without seeing...all of you, for so long.' She looked him in the eyes, starting to sober up as he looked like he was about to burst into tears.

'Wow, Bunny, that must have cost a fortune!' Audrey exclaimed, looking at the picture. Joey just simply smiled towards Audrey, and looked at Dawson, suddenly wanting to get out of there. She felt this was a step too far, she had given Pacey what he wanted, a camera, and he didn't give her what she wanted..him.

'Joey... this is too much..I...', he shook his head in disbelief.

'I know'. She interrupted, causing the group to look mystified. She watched him for a few seconds longer. 'Anyway, I er. I'm going to wash up, I'm feeling a bit light headed.' With that, she got up, and headed towards the door. From behind her, she heard a confused Audrey, 'What was that about?'

Oh Audrey, if only you knew, Joey thought, washing her tears away with the dishes.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

The night had passed quickly, probably because Joey was still in a drunken haze, and she just wanted to get home. Pacey hadn't even bothered to get her anything at all. Not that she expected anything of course. She had quickly gathered her things, and mostly spoke to Dawson , Jack and Doug about catching up, avoiding Pacey before she had to leave. She walked out without saying bye to them. She was hurt, hurt in many different ways, and couldn't cope with talking to either of them. She held onto Bessie's arm as they headed back to the truck, Bodie carrying a sleeping Alexander, complaining slightly that he was getting too big for the hugs. Joey laughed in his direction, happy again that she was in the company of just close family.

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

Joey woke up with a banging headache. Holy God, she thought, as she brought her hand up to her face. Ouch, stupid Joey, becoming an alcoholic these days, pull it together. She pulled the covers away from her, and padded into the kitchen. No one was in, she peered out of the window at the snow, smiling at the beautiful scene. She thought it was more amazing everytime she came back, New York had nothing on Capeside, not when it came to scenery anyway.

She headed back into the Kitchen, when she noticed the note.

'_Headed into town, we will be back tonight after a few stops. Help yourself to dinner! Love ya , B xx'_

Joey smiled to herself, unsure what to do for the day. She was about to jump in the shower, when she heard a knock at the door. She walked slowly, trying to will away her hangover. She opened the door, and literally jumped with shock when she saw who was on the other side.

'Hey'

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	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four.**

'Hey'

Joey was momentarily taken aback. Audrey was standing at the door, with a big smile on her face. She looked beautiful, thought Joey, again feeling guilty for doing such an unforgiveable thing to her friend.

'Hey Audrey..wha..what are you erm.. doing here?' Joey replied, plastering a smile on her face. She gestured Audrey into the B and B, still slightly taken aback.

'Well Bunny, I thought I would just stop by before I go to L.A. I'm going to spend New Year with my family, and I'm leaving today so I can fit everyone in, you know, me being ridiculously popular and all!' Joey smirked at her remark.

'Oh... Is er, Pacey going with you?' Joey asked with a slight wince in her face, a little afraid of the answer.

'Nope.' Audrey replied rolling her eyes. 'He's been really funny with me recently, I don't know what his problem is. Anyway, he feels bad leaving his staff with his restaurant over the holiday season, it always gets busy at this time of year, and he feels _obliged_to oversee it all. Whatever that means. Anyway, I've really got to go hun, but I just wanted to come to say that don't leave us for so long next time, I really missed you, you know.' Audrey leant in for a hug, making Joey feel incredibly uncomfortable. She knew why Pacey was acting weird, but she obviously couldn't tell Audrey the truth. She gave her a short smile, and told Audrey she missed her too.

'I really go to go! You're making me late. Make sure you come visit real soon ok Bunny? My taxi's here. Love you!' Audrey gave her a huge wave as she made it back to the taxi waiting for her. Joey stood against the door frame, and sighed heavily to herself. She closed the door, and headed to the shower, to wash all the bad feelings away.

Xxxxxxxxxxx

She stood warily outside The Icehouse. She just had to make amends. She couldn't go around avoiding Pacey forever, and now, while she was back in town, would be the best way to try and move forward. She took short, slow steps, considering making a run for it on every footstep. Hell, running was normal for her, it's what she did best . So why wasn't she running away now? She thought to herself, imagining all the scenarios in her head about what was going to happen next. Something was still making her take a step in the right direction. She knew, deep down, he was a part of her life, no matter what happened between them, he had a place in her heart that she could never replace with something else. And that was what she had to live with for the rest of her life. Great, she thought, scowling to no one but herself.

She opened the door, and froze, when she saw how hectic it was. Audrey wasn't wrong, it really did get busy over the holidays. All the waiters and waitresses looked flat out, and she could hear Pacey stressing from the kitchen. She took a deep breath, and headed towards the silver swing doors in the kitchen. Fuckkkkkkkk, she thought, as she opened it, and headed towards Pacey.

'I told you, just take out it now please.. I can't... Joey?' stopped Pacey as he saw her enter. He looked momentarily dumbfounded. She just stared at him, and realised that she was still holding her breath.

'What are you doing here Jo? We're a bit busy right now, if you can't see for yourself.' He continued, turning away from her, carrying on with his ranting as he continued to cook up a feast.

'I can see that thank you. I've... I've come to help.' He looked up at her. 'What?' She smirked at him and took a notepad, and headed back into the restaurant. 'Like I said.. I've come to help.' She stated before she walked out, leaving him dumbfounded again. This girl was driving him crazy, and not the right way.

Xxxxxxxx

After a hectic night, Joey managed to finally sit down as the last table left. She looked at her watch, it was just before midnight. Oh my god, she thought, she had been here all closed her eyes for a split second, and opened them when she heard someone sit down opposite her.

'Hey.' He offered her, not letting his eyes swim with any emotions.

'Hi.' He frowned at her minimal response.

'I just came over to say thanks for helping out tonight. I mean, I don't actually know how we would have coped without you. So.. thanks' He offered her a short smile.

'No problem'. He sighed. 'Look, Joey.. do you want to come back to mine, so we can talk about what's happened? I know I was a complete ass, and I can't do anything but apologise, but I really want the chance to explain myself about the way I reacted. Please.'

She looked at him, and a small smirk appeared at her lips. 'Promise not to have your way with me?' ,she teased him, and was relieved when he chuckled at her joke.

'I promise. Come on, I'm just about to close up.' She nodded shortly at him, and followed him to the front door, bracing herself for the inevitable.

Xxxxxxxxxxx

The ride back to his house was silent, and awkward. She wasn't sure what to say, so decided it was best to keep her mouth shut until she was back at his. When they were back at his, she heard him take a deep breath. She felt relieved, as she realised that he was just as nervous as her. However, she had completely different reasons than him, but she had no desire to tell him how she really felt. Not when sober anyway. _Especially_since he didn't feel the same. He gestured her into the house, and she pattered into the living room, ignoring the signs that Audrey lived in this household. That she held his heart, not her. Now she wished she never bothered.

'Want anything to drink?' called Pacey from behind her.

'No thanks, I'm all set.' She sat down on the couch, and he slowly sat down in the armchair opposite.

'So...' she continued, trying to urge him to talk. He looked at his feet for a while, before finally finding the courage to look up at her. He still couldn't find the words.

'Well, I'll continue then shall I? I'm sorry that we slept together Pacey, I mean, You're married to one of my closest friends, and I will feel incredibly guilty for the rest of my life. I mean, Audrey was always there for me, and what did I do? Stomped all over her trust. I feel awful. I guess I was just incredibly drunk and...'

'I wasn't drunk.' Pacey simply cut in. Joey looked up at him with a start. 'What?'

'I wasn't drunk. I mean, I was, but not as much as you. I knew exactly what I was doing.'

'What? Pacey, what are...what are you saying?' Joey felt sharp tears sting at her eyes, and she was willing ever inch of her body not to allow them to fall.

'I'm saying Joey, that I wanted it to happen, and I don't know why. I can't explain why I did, I just know that I don't regret it. I feel bad yes, and I felt even worse after, all those nasty things I said to you, which you didn't deserve. I'm so sorry Jo, I guess I just couldn't help but want you after not seeing you for so long. I tried to fight it, you know I did, but when you kissed me, I felt... well.. alive.'

All she could was stare at him. Was she hearing him right? He wanted it to happen? She blushed heavily thinking back to that night.. she threw herself at him, and then he made her feel so awful the following morning, and didn't talk to her after, until...well..now really.

'Pacey, you haven't spoken to me since that night. You made me feel so bad I really didn't want to come back for Christmas. I would have gladly spent Christmas by myself I was that upset.'

'I'm sorry, I just couldn't handle the guilt. But the thing is Joey, Audrey and I haven't been right for some time, and I guess, well I guess that wasn't the way to handle it, by cheating on her. You know that I'm not that kind of guy, and it breaks me up inside for doing that to any woman. But, if I was going to cheat with anyone, it could only be you. I keep being drawn back to you, and I guess when you gave me a hint of...affection , I took it. I'm sorry I took advantage of you.'

'You didn't take advantage of me, I... I wanted it to happen too... you know that. I just.. I don't know what you want me to say Pacey.' She really didn't know what to say. She was completely and utterly confused, and all she wanted to do was kiss him, make love to him, but she couldn't. It wasn't right.

'Anyway.. I think we should just move on...and...forget about it. I mean, Audrey would be devastated if she found out, so I think it's best we keep it between us. I just hope we can be ok, go back to being friends? I miss you Pace, I can't not have you in my life.' He smiled at her. 'I think we can do that.'

She smiled fondly at him. Yes she wanted more, but he wasn't available. He was married. He was taken by someone else, and there was nothing in this world that she could do to make that go away. He wasn't confessing his love to her, he just admitted that he wanted to sleep with her. She was grateful that she had a new memory to hold onto, and it take longer to fade away. She didn't want to think that she had been used for sex. Even though that's the way it sounded, she knew Pacey too well to know that he would do that to her.

'So er, did you like your present? I brought it ages ago, and I guess it seemed like a good choice.'

'Joey.. It was perfect, thank you. I really don't deserve it. It was too much.' Joey smiled at his protest. He was never really accepting of things he felt he didn't deserve.

'You're one of my oldest friends Pace, Of course you deserve it. I wouldn't have contemplated buying it for you otherwise!' He smiled at her softly, grateful to still have her friendship after all this.

'Anyway, I know that I didn't give you a gift, I didn't want to bring it, I was afraid of how we would react after seeing each other again. Anyway.. I er.. I have it here. Wait one sec',stated Pacey , as he stood up from the armchair and headed to another room. She sat there quietly waiting for him to return. When he did, he strode right up to her, and knelt in front of her.

'I found this about three months ago, and I just had to buy it. I think it suits you to a tee. If you don't like it, I won't be offended. Honest', he stated with a chuckle, as he handed her the gift. She was slightly holding her breath, as he had knelt in front of her, she had got this ridiculous notion in her head that he was going to propose. She really had to get over herself. She nervously took the gift from him, and she slowly unwrapped the beautiful paper that covered it. She ran her fingers over the box the paper had contained, and slowly opened it. She gasped, when she saw what was inside, her eyes tearing up when she saw it. It was a stunning necklace, which matched her Mother's bracelet, which she wore to the Anti-Prom all those years ago. She felt overwhelmed. It was almost as if it was part of a set, it was identical. She looked up at him, her eyes shining, but she couldn't find the words.

'I knew I had to buy it for you, It's exactly the same as your Mom's bracelet. I take it from your reaction you like it.' He whispered nervously, afraid to break the silent spell , not knowing what the aftermath would bring.

'I... I ...'

'I know Dawson brought you a necklace too, but I figured, hey! A girl can't have too many necklaces, right?'

'You really do remember everything, don't you Pacey?'

Her words stunned him. 'Yeah, Jo. I do.' Their faces were inches apart now, looking into the depths of their souls through their eyes. Only seconds had passed, and it felt like a lifetime. He shook his head desperately.

'I.. I can't do this Jo..' He croaked.

'Oh God Pacey, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have agreed to come. I'll let myself out.' She stood up quickly, flashed him a regretful smile, and turned towards the door. She knew he knew she was about to lean in for a kiss. She was always getting caught up in the moment. She just wanted to grab him, tell him how much she loved him and have her way with him. He obviously had different reasons.

'No.. Jo.. Wait!' he shouted behind her. She turned around slowly, tears brimming in her eyes still threatening to fall.

'I... I didn't mean it like that. Joey.. I can't pretend I don't feel it still.' She opened her mouth in shock, unsure how to react next. She didn't have a chance though, as he strode quickly over to her, squashing the distance between them, and pulled her into a heart-filled kiss. He kissed her with such determination and passion, that she stood their momentarily in shock, before she reacted to his kiss. God, he felt so good, she thought, wrapping her arms around him deepening the kiss. The tears that were threatening to fall before, were now falling freely down her face. When they parted, they were both slightly out of breath. He was looking at her, a deep urge overtaking his eyes, and he grabbed her hand, entwining his fingers with hers, and lead her to the bedroom.

When they reached the bedroom, he stood there for a second, and simply stated 'You're beautiful.' His comment made Joey blush, and a grin overtook her features. 'Come here Pace.' He swept her up, and they kissed hungrily, knowing what was coming next. And for now, they didn't care for the consequences, their hunger and need overtook everything else.

Boy, were they in trouble now.

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End file.
